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PONTIFF OF PAIN
And lo the masses cried out “What can we do? The tools hath broken our will?” And lo, Francis said, “Taketh these robes so that you may smack them so hard their mother shall not recognize them.” And lo, the masses rejoiced.
And lo, the masses asked Percy, “Why doth thou wear such a big hat? Thou shall not even walketh through a door?” And lo, Percy replied, “The doorway is as big as you want it to be with the right gun.” And lo, the masses rejoiced.

POWER POPE (green Easter version)
Retribution is yours! Hand-crafted by fifteen generations of combat monks, the fibers on this battle garment are so stain resistant, the guilt simply rolls right off.

BEATER COTTONTAIL
Extended Auditory Recognition headgear uses subtle shifts in ambient noise to pinpoint enemy locations. The only drawback is that you may be accused of being too adorable. The insulation of this armor is harvested from the orbital rabbit farms of Tau Ceti V. The low gravity allows the bunnies to grow exponentially. They’re cute until you have to shave one.

CHOC TROOPER
Introducing the first all-in-one food ration combat armor. The viscosity of this material melts in your mouth, not under fire. Advanced high-impact kinetic deflection never tasted so delicious.