Just acquired Grich already leveled him up but don't necessarily know if I want to waste resources on his skills. I'm thinking he's probably not going to be a huge factor in WoH and I already have Jackie with imo a better skill set at 2nd base. I have a platoon of 540 legend rhb with skills that are more dependable such as Minnie, Pendleton, and Bill the catcher (although he is a one skill player for all intents and purposes) for DH. I hate to recycle a 560 legend I just don't know how he fits on my team. I wish I could gift these players I don't need to people who are in need of players that can make a difference for them on their teams.
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Cowardly Hooligan
A Screenplay by Shoveitupyoenis2EXT. CENTRAL PARK, NEW YORK - AFTERNOON
Energetic Writer PROF COOZ POLANCO is arguing with modest Electrician MR EDDIE EBIGGZ. COOZ tries to hug EDDIE but he shakes him off.
Please Eddie, don't leave me.
I'm sorry Cooz, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
I am such a person!
EDDIE frowns.
I'm sorry, Cooz. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
EDDIE leaves.
COOZ sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, delightful Plumber LORD FULL MONTE barges in looking flustered.
Goodness, Full! Is everything okay?
I'm afraid not.
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
It's ... a hooligan ... I saw an evil hooligan eat a bunch of children!
Defenseless children?
Yes, defenseless children!
Bloomin' heck, Full! We've got to do something.
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
You can start by telling me where this happened.
I was...
FULL fans himself and begins to wheeze.
Focus Full, focus! Where did it happen?
Vasquez Rocks, California! That's right - Vasquez Rocks, California!
COOZ springs up and begins to run.
EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
COOZ rushes along the street, followed by FULL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
EXT. VASQUEZ ROCKS, CALIFORNIA - SHORTLY AFTER
BIG VICKY a cowardly hooligan terrorises two children.
COOZ, closely followed by FULL, rushes towards BIG, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
What is is? What's the matter?
That's not just any old hooligan, that's Big Vicky!
Who's Big Vicky?
Who's Big Vicky? Who's Big Vicky? Only the most cowardly hooligan in the universe!
Blinkin' knickers, Cooz! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most cowardly hooligan in the universe!
You can say that again.
Blinkin' knickers, Cooz! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most cowardly hooligan in the universe!
I'm going to need razors, lots of razors.
Big turns and sees Cooz and Full. He grins an evil grin.
Cooz Polanco, we meet again.
You've met?
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young COOZ is sitting in a park listening to some indie music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees BIG. He takes off his headphones.
Would you like some wine gums?
COOZ's eyes light up, but then he studies BIG more closely, and looks uneasy.
I don't know, you look kind of cowardly.
Me? No. I'm not cowardly. I'm the least cowardly hooligan in the world.
Wait, you're a hooligan?
COOZ runs away, screaming.
EXT. VASQUEZ ROCKS, CALIFORNIA - PRESENT DAY
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
(To COOZ) You ran away?
(To FULL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
COOZ turns to BIG.
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
COOZ runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with razors.
I'm not scared of you.
You should be.
INT. SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE - LATER THAT DAY
COOZ and FULL walk around searching for something.
I feel sure I left my razors somewhere around here.
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly razors.
You know nothing Full Monte.
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
Suddenly, BIG appears, holding a pair of razors.
Looking for something?
Crikey, Cooz, he's got your razors.
Tell me something I don't already know!
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
I know that already!
I pickle my earwax and keep it in a jar under my bed.
(appalled) Dude!
While BIG is looking at FULL with disgust, COOZ lunges forward and grabs his deadly razors. He wields them, triumphantly.
Prepare to die, you cowardly carrot!
No please! All I did was eat a bunch of children!
EDDIE enters, unseen by any of the others.
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those children were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Cooz Polanco defender of innocent children.
Don't hurt me! Please!
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these razors on you right away!
Because Cooz, I am your father.
COOZ looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
No you're not!
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
BIG tries to grab the razors but COOZ dodges out of the way.
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?
Unexpectedly, BIG slumps to the ground.
Did he just faint?
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly razors.
COOZ crouches over BIG's body.
Be careful, Cooz. It could be a trick.
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Big Vicky is dead!
What?
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.
FULL claps his hands.
So your razors did save the day, after all.
EDDIE steps forward.
Is it true? Did you kill the cowardly hooligan?
Eddie how long have you been...?
EDDIE puts his arm around COOZ.
Long enough.
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Big Vicky.
Then the children are safe?
It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable children enter, looking relived.
You are their hero.
The children bow to COOZ.
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Big Vicky will never eat children ever again, is enough for me.
You are humble as well as brave!
One of the children passes COOZ a mystical necklace
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
I couldn't possibly.
Pause.
Well, if you insist.
COOZ takes the necklace.
Thank you.
The children bow their heads once more, and leave.
COOZ turns to EDDIE.
Does this mean you want me back?
Oh, Cooz, of course I want you back!
COOZ smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
Well you can't have me.
WHAT?
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a hooligan to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
But...
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Full.
FULL grins.
But...
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
Cooz?
I'm sorry Eddie, but I think you shouldskidaddle.
EDDIE leaves.
FULL turns to COOZ.
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly FULL stops.
When I said I pickle my earwax and keep it in a jar under my bed, you know I was just trying to distract the hooligan don't you?